i just wanna feel alive
by gustin puckerman
Summary: Finally, everything's going to be okay. one-shot. RedMoon. AU


**I got this when I was listening to _Echo_ by Jason Walker. It's a great song, full of raw emotions that just cuts you through your souls, you know? Well, at least it is for me. This is a little different from my writings, 'cause there's a hint of M- so yeah, just to be safe- I'm putting this as 'M'. They're not too graphic details- if they were, you'd end up laughing at me. So, yeah. Glad we could make that clear. Just a little reminder; English isn't my native language- so expect some flaw, because I'm just human. Enjoy**!

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The rain hasn't come, but the air is damp and musty. The thunder rolls and groans, warning others- and most are already running to shield themselves from the weather to come. He walks into the bar, tired and worn-out and heads straightly to one of the stool.

Muggle beer tasted better these days.

He meets Luna sitting next to him, oddly strange to find her in such place. They talk- and he fills her with what she missed since she had gone AWOL a few years back. She's still the same, although he notices her hair- much, much dirtier than he remembers it to be, and her voice. Oh, it's still dream-like and high-pitched as ever, but it's raspy.

_She's tired too_.

He blurts out the story of his life like it's nothing important (_it isn't, not anymore_), "Hermione and I didn't work out."

She doesn't bat an eye, doesn't gasp in horror and doesn't say her sorry.

_Thank God_.

He's had enough of that already.

But she did asked how.

"It just kinda... _fell apart_," he doesn't like to go into details, so he tells her just that, ending it. It's a good thing she never press any further on the subject.

He doesn't want to tell her how he sorta... _lost any sense of directions_ after it all crash and burn.

He asks what she's been up to in return, and she also doesn't go into details. As a matter of fact, she doesn't say much. For years have passed, and yet she tells a story as if she's been missing for just an hour. _It isn't like Luna_, he knows. Especially when she doesn't look _near_ enthusiastic when she mentions another strange creature he doesn't know of- but knows she adores dearly.

She explains the story of her life dryly- not a crack, no hesitation, doesn't stutter. "Daddy passed away."

They fall into a mutual silence then, and he looks at his glass, as if seeing his whole life build up in the reflection of the water- and watches it falls down before his eyes once again. He turns to Luna after that, and watches as her eyes stare at nothing in particularly. But it blinks dreamily, hazily- just like it has always been in their school year, he remembers. "Want to go back to my place?"

It comes out unexpectedly, but he doesn't sound surprised. She watches the way she blinks twice at him- and the way her lips quirk into a small, tired smile. "Sure _Ronald_."

And that is all he needs to hear.

(He ignores the way his body, mind, spirits and soul likes it when his name rolls over her tongue)

He takes her hand in his, and silently notes how her fingers curl in his palms, as if seeking warmth and absorbing it to bring heat into her cold ones. The rain is threatening to come now, roaring it's lightning for everyone's show- and under the London's night sky, they walk quickly to his apartment.

He can't believe, even after years, he has an apartment in the muggle world.

(He always thought he's going to be another resident in the Wizarding World- he'd thought wrong)

Once they reach the apartment, he slams her against the wall after closing the door behind them- and that's when the first raindrop falls on earth. She doesn't fight back when she responds to his touch, as eager as he is.

Their kisses are like nothing he'd imagined. Well, first, he never imagined he'd be kissing Loony Lovegood- ever; so he doesn't really know what he expects. Maybe awkward? Quirkiness? No. That doesn't happen when he's kissing her. He feels electricity jolting through him, and adrenaline pumping- getting faster by the seconds.

He bites into her skin and doesn't expect for her to hiss in his ears.

_He doesn't tell her how he enjoys every moment of this_.

He doesn't glance at the clothes once it falls down onto the cold ground, but rather keeps his focus on his hands- and hers, roaming, _exploring_ each other's body. She sinks her nails into his back and gasps dangerously and moans lowly and he wonders how many more noises she could make.

They stumble everywhere- the floor, the couch, the wall, the door, the table- until they reach his bedroom.

He throws her onto his bed and watches her naked, beautiful body before his eyes- complementing it under his breath before he could catch her hands reaching the back of his neck, to let him fall against her.

He's kissing her neck and hears her moan when something snaps within him.

He back away, and turns his head- something rising up from his stomach to his chest and to his neck. And overwhelmed feeling of... (_he used to this with Hermione_). He finally realizes how much he had lost after everything. He could feel the heat coming up and burns his face- he chocks out the first sob, and the thunder rolls behind the window.

He feels Luna's cold hands plant on his back, and he holds back his tears.

Luna comes, her body against his back, and whispers the most unexpected thing in his ear. "It's okay, Ronald. It's okay to cry."

And then, be breaks.

His nose and tip of tears red, he chocks out his sob, muttering of what he had lost over and over again. _He's a loser_. And Luna's playful fingers reach up to cup his face within her fingers, hushing and soothing him like a mother would. He could feel her eyes burning through him- and he lets her. He lets her runs her fingers through his orange-like red hair and her thumb graces the tears which streams down his cheek and drops from his chin.

"It's okay," she tells him in a whispers. "It's _all_ going to be okay."

_It's not_.

Nothing has been okay lately.

But he lets his blue eyes meet with her gray ones anyways, "Thanks, Luna."

She throws him a small smile- and he doesn't know why it makes him feel all better suddenly.

He lets his thumbs caress her small hip and suddenly lets his eyes fall onto her swollen lips. He doesn't know- but it happens. He capture her lips into his own, graceful and sweet and reminds him of a _first kiss_. They kiss, and kiss, and before they know it, she's laying on his bed again and he's on top of her.

_Tonight, she's his_.

He still feels a little bit guilty for breaking down and bites onto her neck, making her moan. "I'm sorry for your lost, Luna," he says in between kisses.

He could feel the way she tighten his grip on his body, just a little bit- and for a moment, he can actually feel her pain transferring into him- before she gasps out, "That's quite alright. I'm okay now."

He smirks at that, lifting his head for a second and looks down at her. "Of course you're okay- I'm here with you."

She giggles at that, before they continue what they were doing. He leaves mark and bites and kisses like he never before and enjoy her gasps and moans and yelps like it's the only music he could hear. The thunder rolls when she lets out a small squeak as he enters her, and they move against each other in a rhythm he never know existed. They melds into each other like he never thought they would- and he keeps holding her, just holds her, and keeps going and going until he feels her tighten around him.

She screams when she comes, and he groan when he does a few minutes later.

They lay on the bed after they're done and both of them try to catch any breath they've lost. After a few minutes, his eyelids start to drop and he could feel the sleepiness come to wash over him. He practically feels the way she faces him, smiles and slowly leans down to drop a lingering, innocent kiss on his cheek. He doesn't tell her how he feels content when she does that. He closes his eyes then, until he feels movement besides him and her presence starting to fade away.

He opens his eyes and catches her wrist just in time.

He isn't pleading, and not ordering either when he says, "Stay."

She blinks at him, confused maybe.

He sighs, tired, and repeats. "Please Luna. Will you stay?"

She lets out a sigh of her own too, and against the moon's illuminating light (even if it's still raining), she lies back down- and surprisingly, he doesn't retreat his holding. She lets her eyes drop too and after a few seconds pass, she turns her back against him. He kinda smiles- glad to have her here- and puts his hands around her, like they belong together.

She accepts it.

It takes her a few minutes before he says it into her ear, "I want you here around, Luna."

She doesn't say a word, but squeeze her hands against the arm he drapes over her body- a motion probably asking for him to explain.

"I just... It's good having you here. I want you here. In the morning. Probably longer than that." He explains, trying to find the perfect word to say. "I simply want you around."

He can picture it now- a life with Luna. It's not forever, but just enough to see how happy he'd be- _they'd_ be. It's not perfect either; he has his temper, and she has her odd ways of thinking and seeing, but they'll work. He could see how honest she could be, and she's always (kinda) fond of him, even when they're in school still. "I know it's silly, and short noticed- but I just want _you_. And if this sounds crazy tonight, we'll wait until morning. We can talk this over."

_He won't run away- not again_.

"What do you think, Luna?" he asks, finally.

Her fingertips run along his arms, and he tighten his hold on her, keeping her closer. "I really like the sound of it."

"Good."

She partially turns to him, a smile scrapping her pale face. "Good. Now get some sleep, Ronald. I can see how you're lacking of sleep."

He gingerly grins back at her, kissing her head in return. "Thanks, and you'll be here?" He asks, almost sounding afraid.

She nods, yawning. "I will."

And for the first time in a long time, he sleeps soundly. Just to wake up in the morning still finding Luna by his side- but instead of regret and panicking, he feels something else stir deep in his stomach and realize that this just might be the sight he needs to see. Don't get him wrong, the future still fears him greatly and the past still eats him up inside- but at least he has her smile to remind himself that everything's going to be better.

That it's okay to cry.

He smiles- _finally, everything will turn out okay_.

He could feel it.

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**Oh wow. Isn't that just crap? Well, at least I've done it. Leave a review if you find the time!**


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